my black eye? dracula, where's leatherface? sucking off frankenstein? i like candy.

 
once there was a boy who wrote a things and posted them on the internet for the world to read and enjoy. they were wonderful things and insightful things and all at the same time rolled into one. then the things changed. the things started being autobiographical and nonfictional and boring and all about how the boy was sick and felt bad sometimes and ate food that made him taste a little bit of barf on the back of his tongue. so then the boy decided to write about how he scratched his roids every morn' before he lept out of bed to eat a softboiled egg and to watch pikachu on the television. and he wrote about how he drove around and beat people with broomhandles at dusk, and smoked joints on mountaintops whilst watching people in their bras. and it wasn't un-nonfictional or un-autobiographical either. and it wasn't un-triumphant. what a drag. i like my eggs poached in real life.
posted by scarnsworth at 2:29 AM

 
I didn't get the new Lebron James Nikes for Christmas, but I did get a pair of blue pajama bottoms with little green seahorses printed all over them. They're cute
posted by kenniebloggins at 8:00 PM

 
i am at work. i just got this burrito from moe's for free, and upon first bite i discovered that it is sweaty. should i continue to eat this free sweaty burrito? am i in danger? (side note: i had mexican food for lunch the past two days and felt like shit for an hour afterwards each time.) in other news, why does my throat cause me so much pain!?! it is going to have to learn to deal with cigarette smoke! hey throat, DEAL WITH IT MOTHERFUCKER! PEACE!
posted by scarnsworth at 10:59 PM

 
Christmas is only a week away, yet I have bought zero presents. If you think yr. on the list, give me some suggestions. In other areas, the clouds are beginning to look uponce my fair countenance. Get used to it.
posted by kenniebloggins at 9:58 AM

 
why am i still watching cocktail?
posted by scarnsworth at 3:58 AM

 
today i realized that the movie cocktail sucks. also, i haven't smoked in two days which is no small feat. also, the shout out section is fucked. i wonder if it's fucked on other blogs? i'll never know.
posted by scarnsworth at 3:28 AM

 
Glenwood Gators.
posted by kenniebloggins at 9:27 AM

 
Karaoke Nightmare Avoided:
Last night, I decided to step to the mic at Fox'z for only the second time in my 7 years of living in Athens. The first was actually an accident because Crews, I think, had to leave before his turn to sing "Come Sail Away" came on....Rippy and I nailed it, but I've never really wanted to karaoke there again until last night. I was perusing the song listings when I noticed LLoyd Price's classic "Stagger Lee" among the possible selections. I immediately filled out the proper paper and turned my selection in to the DJ. I had to wait for at least 6 or seven songs until my turn came up. When it was announced that I would be next, I quickly tried to procure a cup of water because my throat had become dry. The bartenders were taking there precious time as usual, so I rushed to the Kings room and caught a couple of handfuls from the faucet. I know that any of you who have visited the King's Room at Fox'z will find this image disturbing, but when faced with the prospect of grave failure, braver men have turned to more desperate measures, I'm sure...When the singers had finished, I quickly made my way to the singing area, and nervously took my place at the mic...When the opening words were displayed I relaxed and began to sing. My voice was still a bit dry at first, but I found my range just as the first verse kicked in. I was aghast when the first verse was displayed on the karaoke screen. I was expecting to be "standin' on the corner when I heard my old Bulldog bark," but I was dealt a surprising blow by the version I had received. Although the characters in the story remained the same (Stagger Lee and Jimmy, respectively), the scenario of their dispute had drastically changed. Instead of arguing over a game of dice, the new tiff between the legendary characters involved a woman. I did not even know this version of the song existed, but fortunately the melody was the same, so I was still able to hook the tune. I felt cheated a second time when I realized that I had received a shortened version of the song that was only about one minute long. Therefore, my stint at the Fox'z forefront was brief at best. I looked at Caroline and shrugged as I began to leave and headed to the bar for my final Budweiser of the night.
posted by kenniebloggins at 1:01 PM

 
Another tattoo idear:
A largemouth bass playing checkers with a 12 pt. buck
Awesome!
posted by kenniebloggins at 11:02 AM

 
Christmas cookies are like candy corn in that they both are celebratory like paper flowers and eating too many can induce a diabetic coma. Sorta like Arbor Mist, which I took on one summer night during the equinox of Action. O, those were the days.
posted by kenniebloggins at 10:11 AM

 
update
my insides are definitely rotten. i can smell it, and i don't know how to stop it. this saddens me. but wait! perhaps it could be the direct result of my habits! yes, my habits. but how can i change my habits?! they're habits for chrissake! i can't just up and change my habits! or could i...? i could start by toning down the intake of that bilge-water tripe that doesn't deserve to be called "coffee" i drink before work. i could exercise and sweat it out. i could also drink some peroxide and hope that its scrubbing-bubbled effervesence cleans the badness right out. or maybe it's not my habits at all. maybe it's one of the very few things that peroxide can't solve. maybe my insides are turning to black, slimy, maggot-ridden gym socks and there's not a goddam thing that you or i can do to change it! before you know it the smell and the taste won't be the only signs! there'll be chunks of grease-black insides which i cough up on my morning oyster launch at the toilet! oh jeez, now i'm really worked up.
posted by scarnsworth at 12:59 AM

 
christmas cookies are amazing and delicious, and it is their very delectability with which they amaze me. with shiny packages that have little animals and such donned with christmasy things and christmasy trinkets and sprinkles adorning the cookies themselves, i could fancy myself eating them all the year-round! However, as with the danger of choosing pizza (my fave!) over other rad food offerings, i recognize that eating christmas cookies every day for a trip around the sun would be an affront to the other delicious cookies that hold court in cookie jars around the world, and as such i have the wherewithal to deny myself the fantastical taste-pleasure of 365 days filled with gingerbread men and a elf and santa clauses and deer. in other news, i've been tasting bile lately and often and in my mouth, and from the smells of it i think my stomach is burning itself from the inside out with it's own juices. oh innocent stomach! you know not what you do, and you do it to yourself! i hope for the best, and worry myself into a knotted, acid-stomached frenzy over the possibility of the worst. kiss me, for tis the season.
posted by scarnsworth at 4:13 AM

 
i enjoy reading other people's blogs almost as much as dracula enjoys peeking in people's windows, but apparently i don't enjoy writing my own entries over here at fair oceanchum. ah well, kenniebloggins has done quite a bit of posting as of late, so that should keep you oceanchum faithful satiated for awhile. my j. o. b. has tweaked all of my life's patterns for real this time, and as i'm having my morning cup of coffee at six pm and staring out the window at this month's full moon offering, i look at my pasty white skin and it makes me want to suck down another cigarette. (i was going to write something funny now, but when i thought about what i wrote back there i became morose. which, according to dr. dictionary, is "Lascivious; brooding over evil thoughts. [Obs.]". alas, i'm that way all of the times.) see you on the 19th, lovers.
posted by scarnsworth at 3:19 AM