my black eye? dracula, where's leatherface? sucking off frankenstein? i like candy.

 
now the leaves are off the trees

the title of the entry two entrys down is a lyric from 'private eyes' and i just realized that it doesn't fit for that entry because plame is a covert operative for the CIA and not a PI out rescuing peoples horses who have been poisoned. i initially posted the pic because the entry was going to say "i'd like to get her under cover" but when i saw this photo i realized that she's not as white hot and glamorous as she looks in those vanity fair photos. but really, who doesn't look white hot and glamorous in a vanity fair photo spread? dennis franz, that's who. he's still sexy though. and i hear what he lacks in looks he makes up for in length, so there.
posted by scarnsworth at 11:17 AM

 
a cyclone full of feeling, the silence of the moon

Q: is a elephant a reptile?

A: the world may never know.
posted by scarnsworth at 3:06 AM

 
watch you blowin’ the lines when you’re making a scene



under cover
posted by scarnsworth at 9:21 AM

 
those are maggots. you're eating maggots michael.

what is everyone going to be for ALL HALLOW'S EVE? post it in the comments sexion below!

sincerely,
scarnsworth
posted by scarnsworth at 11:37 AM

 
slick willy joins the cavalry



that's right ladies! prince william has joined up with the british army. he passed his exams this week and will enroll in the military academy at sandhurst, clarence house next year. but really, how hard can those exams be if bro prince harry (aka harry POTter, aka dopesmoker, aka hitler for hallow's eve) passed them? anticipated headline: "prince william deployed to baghdad".
posted by scarnsworth at 9:47 AM

 
hi boys and girls

many things have happened since i've written on these pages. many elections have crossed the wires. there was an election in liberia last week- didn't write about it. no oceanchum elex updates on the liberia elex. no update on the baghdad constitutional referendum vote that happened this past weekend. there was another election that happened over the past days (i forget where it occurred) and it went unnoticed here. your oceanchum election correspondent has been ensconced in the overnights again, and a recent bout with a cold hasn't helped the reporting at all. play your violins.
anyway, saddam's back in court today. i was hoping to see a bag of doritos peeking out of his coat pocket but no dice. i was hoping to hear the judge say, "order in the court!" and then for saddam to yell, "i'll have a family-sized bag of black pepper jack doritos and a sprite!" didn't happen. apparently saddam did win a staring contest with one of his guards when they tried to escort him out of the courtroom during a recess. saddam shuffled out of both of his guards' hands and stared at them for about 45 seconds until they let him walk out on his own. apparently the gaze of saddam still carries a little bit of weight on the arab street (and courtroom). although the judge did lay the smackdown upon some of saddam's attempts at talking out of turn. UPDATE: the trial has now been postponed till november 28th.
oceanchum updates will be more frequent in the coming dayz and nitez. cheers.


posted by scarnsworth at 9:15 AM

 
When DeWitt gets involved, you know some shit is goin' down.(Another stankin' repost)
This blog originally appeared in November 2003, following a pretty awesome Halloween. The Dewitt in the blog is the same REM guitar tech who just had them play his wedding at the bowling alley. This dude fuckin' rules.
The night had begun to blur in the same fashion of many of my recent Fridays had at 4:00 a.m. I was outside the party enjoying a smoke with Caroline next to Jimbo's pickup, taking it easy and just tying to hold up my end of a conversation that would almost instantly escape me. Headlights in front of Jimbo's truck switched on and illuminated Willow Street. The pickup in front of Jim's backed up to pull out, the driver gave it a little too much juice and he rammed the front end of Jim's blue Chevy S-10 with dents from a past ice storm proudly emblazoned across both the driver and passenger sides. The driver seemed not to notice the collision and began to drive away. In an instant, my mind cleared and I rushed to the truck and began pounding on the driver-side window. The man who was driving appeared to be completely loaded and slowly rolled down the window. "Is there a problem," he said nonchalantly. "Yeah, you just hit my friend's truck."The guy stopped and got out of the truck. A woman was in the passenger seat, but she barely looked up, and long curly hair prevented me from seeing her face."I don't think I hit that truck," said the man who appeared to be in his later-thirties. He stood a good four inches taller than me and had slightly curly, drunk/messy brown hair that pushed away from the peak of his forehead. His face was ruddy and fairly deep lines ran beneath his eyes. He wore a brown plaid 1970's thrift store button down, faded jeans and work boots. About two inches of belly poked out above his belt buckle, and even though while obviously drunk, he looked game for about anything, whether it be a fight, fuck or a backroom poker game. He looked as if he had ridden the hard train a few times and knew how all things were scored. The cowboy looked me up and down a couple of times to size me up and decided that I, who was dressed as a tortoise and wore green tights, would be easy enough to deal with. I was nervous, but I decided to stand my ground. He spoke first:"I didn't hit that car.""Yes you did," said Caroline. "We were watching.""Hey, is that Jim Willinhem's truck," said our Midnight Cowboy who finally recognized Caroline."Yes, " she said. "We've met before."At this point, the guy began to change his tough guy approach, his voice softening to a charming, even more sweetly-Southern drawl. We stood around hemming and hawing for a few minutes, discussing a dent in the front end, when it was decided that Caroline would go fetch Jimbo from the keg that was in back of the house. I was left alone with my new acquaintance, so I decided to make small talk. "So, have you lived in Athens long," I asked in a semi-cautious manner."You bet your goddam ass I have," he replied jovially. "23 years. Name's Dewitt Hufflehorns."I responded with all the bravado that a drunk ass dude in a tortoise suit could muster at 4:30 a.m. "I'm Mike Bryan. Been here 7 years myself." We shook hands heartily as Caroline and Jimbo walked over to end this chance meeting. Dewitt smoothly slid over to Jimbo and shook his hand while slipping his left arm around jim's back in a half-embrace. "Jim, I didn't mess up your truck," he said gently, and, if Jimbo had been a woman instead of a 215 lb. man, his line would have almost seemed flirtatious. Jim thought for a moment and then replied. "Yeah, yeah, this was already there. I'm pretty sure."DeWitt saw his opening and blasted through immediately. "Well, if there's a problem, you know where to find me. You've got a good friend here in this guy," he said, pointing at me." He was lookin' out for ya, Jim." Before any of us could respond, DeWitt was back in the truck revving the motor. I asked if he was okay to drive. He barely responded as he peeled away from Willow Street into the early morning darkness of November 1. We all stood watching for a moment and then returned to the party hoping that the kegs weren't quite yet dry.
posted by kenniebloggins at 6:09 PM

 
Ahhh, though it's been a rough week of getting on with new gettings on, I thought the time nigh to catch everyone up with bloggins, gent., these day.
a: Costa Rica ended famously with the sighting of howler monkeys just an hour or so before we departed the Pacific coast loveliness of Tamarindo for the shittiness of San Jose.
b: The trip home was less than smooth, but we arrived in Atl. only an hour after we should have.
c: I am a transparent eyeball, or at least I am contemplating becoming one for Halloween.
d: I went on a steak date, and it was awesome. You can read about it at eatnewrock.blogspot.com
e: I also ate ribs, bbq, chicken fingers, tater tot casserole and pigs in blankets last weekend and washed it all down with Sparks and cheap beers. I'm still recovering.
f: My first attempt at tater tot casserole was a success, I'm quite certain.
g: I am falling behind in my studies.
h: I've been watching movies lately: Here 's a list some I am watching or plan to watch this week: Watcher in the Woods, Rad, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Over the Edge, Prom Night, Cabin Fever, Bubba Ho Tep, Silver Streak and Prefontaine.
i: I probably watch too much football, but what the fuck.
j: I am losing money on football this year.
k: I got a shirt that has a shark on it playing cards. It says Card Shark on it.
l: Any suggestions for Halloween costumes won't be taken lightly. Here are some of my ideas: The Burger King, Mr. Zog's Sex Wax, the Aforementioned Transparent eyeball, a raccoon, a skunk, broccoli, or a bottle of lean. I've come to terms with the idea that being Panama Jack might be a difficult stunt to pull.
m: I'm goin' tailgatin' Saturday mornin'. Never done it before.
posted by kenniebloggins at 6:06 PM

 
merkel won



first female german chancellor!
posted by scarnsworth at 6:36 AM

 
Okay, the typical food is taking a toll on yours truly and we´re waiting for a new bus to pick us up. Interbus was supposed to pick us up next Tuesday, which would have been a huge problem. We´re headed to Tamarindo to stay in a swankass hotel by the coral reef. We´re almost assured of seeing leatherback turtles nesting and maybe a rabid jaguar or two. Last eve´s night walk through the forest was pretty awesome. Our guide, Marco, kept talking about different male insects´sac of semen and the nerd couple who were on the hike with us kept asking if the mantises were adolescent or not. We saw an orange tarantula, a motmot, some mantises, a sting bug and an acoutis. It was awesome. Later, we were almost stranded in the town and would have had to hike about a mile or so uphill in the dark, but luckily, our cab showed up and overcharged us for a ride back to our hotel. Just before we went to the bed, we looked up and saw all the stars I think are pretty much visible. I´ve never really seen more than like 5 at a time, so seeing hundreds or thousands made me lurch my neck skyward like an acid freak at the laser show at Stone Mountain.
posted by kenniebloggins at 10:18 AM

 
Last night, we decided to check out La Taberna, following the cancellation of our night hike due to heavy rainfall. La Taberna, as recommended by our tourguide Ms. C, was totally bizarro in a RSDE kinda way that made me think Lightning Bolt was going to start performing in about two minutes. A mural of a teenager was painted on the wall and on top of the painting was attached a computer keyboard and some wire mesh. Also, broken bottles and various other accoutrements were under the glass on the bar and an old broken jukebox was located in the front room. The most interesting aspect of La Taberna was the dj, who for whatever reason, decided it would be cool to play the ballad "Only You" repeatledly for an hour or so. The dj was about 50 and was totally intent on re-selecting that from the 5 songs he had downloaded on his computer. We had many Imperials and then headed to Orphos for dinner. Costa Rican restaurants like to serve "typical food" which means, arroz con pollo, seqabass prepared a few different ways, churrasco or spaghetti. I had a veggie cansado, which is also typical. Tonight, we may look for an atypical restaurant. After dinner, we headed back to La Taberna and met the local drug courier, a half-Quaker who was about 21, coked to the gills, talked my ear off and also annoyed the shit out of me. No dice on your 21 bucks per gram schwag, tico.
Today, JK and I did a walking bridge tour of the Cloud Forest while McGringo rapelled on a canopy tour. We saw one of these guys after it stopped raining. We were really stoked, and he came out to eat. I wanted to be friends with him because he´s so cool, but my man went back into the forest after about 5 minutes. We also saw some little green birds with big parrot heads and large blue butterflies. We also saw a squirrel, but, other than being a bushier version of an American squirrel, I would have to say he was typical. Tomorrow, we head to Tamarindo because we´ve been told Manual Antonio will be too rainy. So brand our asses touristy, all who dare. In closing, you can bet your ass that we will be back at La Taberna tonight unless we make it to discotec unicornio.
pura vida,
bloggins in Monteverde
posted by kenniebloggins at 4:53 PM

 
Greetings from Monteverde.
Today we headed from La Fortuna using the jeep (or crowded van)-boat-jeep travel route to cross Arenal Lake, in which actually reside freshwater sharks. The ride up the mountain to Monteverde was awesome, and my slight hangover, due to much beer consumed during McGringo´s impromptu birthday party at Luigi´s Casino and whorehouse the night before, did nothing to decrease the mood. The Cuba Libre (rum and coke) that I thought would be canned (yes, it does exist and has 8 percent alcohol) was a normal rum and coke that kind of took me over the edge. During the final portion of the trip up the mountainous roads to Monteverde, we saw many cows in the roads as well as horses and stray dogs. McGringo asked a really nice Canadian girl with a tattoo of rainforest animals on her arm who she thought would win in a fight between a man and a cow. McGringo felt the man would have an honest chance but we all agreed that the cow would totally fuck some shit up on the mountainside. We passed through tiny villages and saw schoolchildren dressed in their school uniforms of light blue shirts and navy pants running around playing. We saw small churches and a really cool cemetary. Finally, we arrived at Hotel La Fonda, which is pretty damn swank, to say the least. Our room has a huge window with a view of the rainforest and a really good hotel restaurant. JK and I explored some of the trails into the rainforest while McGringo took his usual nap while watching some medical show about plastic surgery. In an hour or so, we´re headed on a night hike. I´m hoping to see a sloth and a tarantula, and I think I heard my first monkey today. Tomorrow, we´re off to the beach for a couple of days after a hike into the Cloud Forest. I´m still totally stoked.
vamos,
bloggins, your gent in Central America
posted by kenniebloggins at 6:00 PM

 
Can you say that you've floated on a stone raft, sipping Imperials, watching the 10th most active volcano in the world erupt as you just while away your leisure hours during an early October vacation while no one is even in shouting distance at the moment? Are you reading this while looking at the aformentioned volcan? Okay, that rules everyone out in the world this moment except for yours truly. I might have had one of the most awesome early days of my life today, if not the most awesomest. Don't hate, I don't get out enough. The Oceanchum One and the 4ks duo are in La Fortuna right now, and McMTL snores like a big ole grizzly bear. JK almost skipped the hotsprings, but luckily, he bucked up. McGringo as he's now called got the day rolling with a massive huevos McGringo sandwich at Java Rocket. I had a much more demure cheese sandwich and JK had a can of mixed nuts. Then our tourguide Jose, who is really really nice and informative, picked us up at 8:00 am. We headed to the National Park Mirador and he gave us some important background info concerning the volcano. Then we began our mile hike to the lookout point. I was really stoked about the whole ordeal. I mean, it was making that deep rumbling sound and spitting some dark lava and blowing smoke like Hank Jr. don't even know about. I was flipping like DJ when he sees Daunte take his shirt off and McGringo left my bag up at the lookout point. We saw a superbly boss turkey vulture (I thought hawk, but the other guide, who seemed to be a total dickwad and our guide was jonein' his ass said turkey vulture) circling but unable to find any sustenance. Then we hiked back. Jose gave us some good tips for the rest of our vacay, and he then dropped us off at the Baldi Hotsprings. The design of the springs, which are heated courtesy of Volcan Arenal, is uber impressive and should, if not already, become some sort of hedonistic paradise in upcoming years. A hotel is already being built on the premises, and if by Jove I become wealthy as all-get-out, my ass will be staying at the hotel one day. I broke off from the 4ks contingent and checked out the rest of the pad. The 10 plus springs ranged in temperature from got-damn this shit is cold to scalding. My foot turned lobsterdick red after checking out the hottest. The secondmost manageable springs had these stone lounge chairs built in so that I was able to relax and watch the volcano while sipping my beer. Later, when I showed the 4ks guys where the business was, they both claimed it was too hot. I really don't know the Spanish word for "pussy" but I think it's relevant in this situation. The main bar, which was situated in a warm spring, played a cd of American oldies and classic rock that was hard to beat. Next time Frizzly Rooster hits the stage, "Sugar Sugar" is a must. After a couple of hours, we ate at the restaurant. JK had the churrasco (steak) which was reportedly awesome and I had an appetizer of seabass ceviche and an entree of spaghetti. Ticos love that damn seabass. So, now we're back in town, McGringo asleep and JK reading Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail. Tonight, I may for some churrasco for a change and then we're off to Monteverde tomorrow to see the Cloud Forest and take a night hike through the jungle. Oh, and we're taking the jeep-boat-jeep route to Monterverde. That should be awesome,a nd I'm hoping either for a Suzuki Samurai or a Wrangler circa '82 with the sunset painted on the side. I give major thanks to MS. Comrade for her help, and any suggestions concerning Monteverde or the beach are welcome in the comments section. Signing off with nothing but love.
bloggins, gent.
posted by kenniebloggins at 5:19 PM

 
'Rica Day 1:
Synopsis until 8:30 Costa Rica time
After getting approximately one hour of sleep, I picked up the 4ks dudes and we geed our shit to 111 while heading to Atl. We were good on time. The flights were non-eventful as I slept during most of both, and we arrived just 10 minutes after our schedualed time. I had a small debacle at the currency exchange counter because my signatures weren't consisten, so no dice on $100. Luckily, B of A should refund my dough. Lunch at this little hole in the wall with a lovelyass patio containing caged lovebirds fluttering to and fro. Lunch was beyond satisfying. 3 Imperials, bread and cheese, onion soup and shrimp with rice cost about 10 bucks and now there's no need for dinner. San Jose is better than I anticipated, and we're gonna try to find a good bar this eve. Tomorrow, we're heading to La Fortuna to hang out in the hotsprings and hopefully watch volcan arenal erupt. Can you imagine watching a volcano erupt as you sit in your hotel on vacay and watch Mike Vick erupt against the Vikes? We won't get to hike until Monday, most likely, so this is just wishful thinking. It's rainy here, and the 200 colones bill features a hammerhead on the back. So far, I'm stoked.
Oh and one thing overshadows the impending awesomeness that will unfurl over the week and those of you who know, you know. Tell me shit ain't sweet as Urban Meyer got his true SEC initiation today. And I ain't stopped smilin' yet.
Oh yeah, having sex with a minor in Costa Rica is illegal. For real, so don't even try it.
Out and about in Central America,
bloggins, gent.
posted by kenniebloggins at 9:39 PM