my black eye? dracula, where's leatherface? sucking off frankenstein? i like candy.

 
shandy town!

Ahh the joys of a shandy! What could be better than some schweppes and a beer on the rocks on a chill grey October afternoon? Especially after one has been awake for virtually 48 hours and has just completed a move that would make even the most stoic surgeon in baghdad’s al-yarmouk teaching hospital wince. (A move for which I had done absolutely zero packing as of 30 minutes before the moving guys arrived. No boxes this time folks, just a bunch of garbage bags and 75 minutes later everything I own in the world is on the back of a “Precision” moving truck speeding up the thoroughfare.) Drinking that shandy while reclining on the floor in the new apartment amidst boxes and detritus, listening to some Pretzel Logic, makes you enjoy that feeling of ache in the kidneys that one only gets after trying to lift a 2-man box by oneself. It’s the type of reward that makes the utter assassination of the past few weeks worth it all. Telling jokes with m--- while the drowsiness envelopes my noodle because noodle means brain in America and mine was in an envelope of drowsiness. Then later on we had some eel.
posted by scarnsworth at 9:14 AM

 
antoinette!

so i saw this film yesterday called marie antoinette by the woman that did rushmore and all those other jason schwartzman movies, and let me just say this: it was quite possibly the most factually inaccurate movie i've come across recently.
first off, i know that it was a period piece, but i think ms. coppola was way off the mark with her period and i'm not just talking about the aphex twin she has as the soundtrack. in real life, marie antoinette was born during the hundred years war and that took place in the 14th and 15th centuries. in this film marie antoinette is portrayed as a socialite charmer of the 18th century. the film also goes off track by showing marie as having had no visions from god, no prophecies whatsoever, and in no part of the movie does she shave her head and disguise herself as a man in order to impress charles VII and become a military leader. where were the battles! where was the armor that she wore? i wanted to see her doing battle on horseback like all the other cinematic portrayals of her life, but we get none of that here as ms. coppola decides to let her personal artistic vision run rampant and roughshod over the hard facts of french history. in conclusion, everyone knows that antoinette was burned at the stake, which other than wearing men's clothes all the time and having a conversational relationship with god is the most memorable thing about this french heroine. suffice it to say there are no stakes and no burning whatsoever in this fictional portrayal of one of france's most important historical figures.
posted by scarnsworth at 11:09 AM

 
champagne on a sunday so sanguine

this post could aslo be titled, "watching your worries slip away into a bowl of salsa as that waitress comes round with that bottle of champagne one mo 'gain."
yes oceanchums, i'm preparing myself for a sunday nap. a mid afternoon respite from the weekend's relentless mayhem. if only i had that bottle of dayquil and that dvd of 'three amigos'. we'd be in business ladies and gentlemen.
on the way home i was laughing at the statue i saw on the roof of an apartment building and laughing at the rosiness of a chubby girl's chapped cheeks with a pimple on one side. and the skinny legs of a girl with a guy with long hair who was carrying his grubby laundry bag off to the laundromat to do a chore on a gray brisk afternoon. then there was the girl with the red nose trying to sip a small cup of scalding coffee while walking her pooch around the man sweeping the sidewalk.
so funny that i was thinking to myself all the walk home how this sunday was so "sanguine", and at the same time noticing everyone's red and ruddy faces and noses that were slightly tipped to run.
and so the weekend draws to a close.


posted by scarnsworth at 3:17 PM

 
what's going on in belarus!

while you are microwaving your pizzas and eating your cookies and drinking pepsi Alexander Kozulin is withering away in his prison cell on a hunger strike! holy toledo, it's like a soap opera over there in belarus!!

BC-BELARUS-OPPOSITION 10-20 0387

Belarus opposition figure goes on hunger strike
By Andrei Makhovsky

MINSK, Oct 20 (Reuters) - An opposition figure who
challenged President Alexander Lukashenko's re-election went on
hunger strike on Friday to draw attention to the long prison
sentence he received over protests against the March poll.

Alexander Kozulin, one of the two politicians who ran
against Lukashenko, was sentenced to 5-1/2 years for his role in
organising unprecedented street rallies, denouncing official
results giving the president a landslide victory.

"I have tried to talk him out of doing this, but I really
don't think I will succeed," Kozulin's wife, Irina, told
Reuters. "He has made a decision and will not change his mind."

"For Kozulin to stop his hunger strike, certain things have
to happen in the country -- the opposition should consolidate,
there should be some reaction from the international community."

Belarus, a country of 10 million now bordering three
European Union countries, has been led by Lukashenko since 1994.
The veteran leader is accused in the West of crushing human
rights, silencing the media and routinely cheating in elections.
posted by scarnsworth at 11:17 AM

 
sepultura


posted by scarnsworth at 2:30 PM

 
Probably the phrase I find most despicable in all things literary encompasses the words "gentle readers." I find this phrase so unsettling and marginalizing that it makes me want to start droppin' some 9.5s all over the owner of the phrase. To imply that people who read are a "gentle species" is truly an affront to my reading persona because the phrase implies that readers are sensitive, effete bookwormy types who cringe at the thought of anything as violent as swapping arm noogies or giving oneself the sissy test with the pink rubbery tip of a pencil eraser or not hollerin' uncle when two sweaty fat kids hold you down and give you a pink belly for 20 minutes, the only pauses serving to merely heighten the torture quotient because the recipient is led to believe that the pink belly session is arriving at a point of closure, and the abdominal area remains the color of a raw tuna steak for the remainder of the weekend. No, I refuse to be called a gentle reader, for I am the personification of reading voracity. I don't allow the book to rest in my palms. I clutch that motherfucker and abuse it and when I'm done I toss it aside like carrion. I'd use a rare edition of Ulysses to wipe my ass if I had no paper handy, for I am not a book collector. If readers were gangsters, I'd be the Shuge Knight of the literate, a true book thug, if you will. So heed my words, you users of the phrase "gentle readers." If you use it in my presence, you'd better be prepared to jet, 'else I'll go all B.A. Baraccus on your ass and shit.
posted by kenniebloggins at 5:43 PM

 
friday rolls around again

hi readers,
i'm off to work here in about 7 minutes, but i thought i'd sit down and hammer out a little blog for all to enjoy. it's getting chillier here in the northeast. yes, one may say it's fall. halloween is around the corner, and after that it's thanksgiving. and after that it's christmastime. yes readers, i have nothing to say on this blog. they discovered a new species of mammal in cyprus! yes, the cypriot mouse, which if you ask me, looks like any other mouse in the land. i think it's important because they don't often find new species of mammals in europe. it's generally in southeast asia. i read that they found a new bat somewhere in 2001 and that was the most recent up until the cypriot mouse. what i want is the discovery of a new phylum. like fo rea, anyone can get another mouse or a bat and say, 'hey, this is a new kind of mouse!' who gives, if you'll pardon the expression, a rat's ass? don't we need new animal altogether? even if they discovered sasquatch or nessie you could still say that they were either a new kind of gorilla or a new kind of dinosaur/platypus. time for work! see you on the other side you motherfuckers.
posted by scarnsworth at 12:24 AM

 
I don't know if you are a tranny or a prostitute, but I really want to go dance with my friends now.
posted by kenniebloggins at 7:39 PM

 
The message told me to go to the roulette wheel and place a chip on 22. I accepted the directions of the message, and let the words slip into my subconscious as I began my night of drinking. We moved from casino to casino, and we both agreed that the late 70s-early 80s jazzy soul band at Mandalay Bay was quite excellent, and Scarnsworth and I lamented the fact that we can never just stroll aimlessly into a dark bar and see such an excellent jazzy soul outfit. At The Luxor, the famous upstart model tried her luck at the craps table, and Sheila, a sixtiesish woman with dyed cherry hair and a penchant for polyester pantsuits had the hot roll and was forced to stay. We sipped our longnecks and I stole glances at the model who was rubbing the bald head of her awesome looking boyfriend. Was he a rapper. We ambled to the video blackjack games at a quiet bar, and an alkie with a bleeding scap on his bald dome told us that we could drink for free if we would play $10 at video poker. He and his stringy-permed lady moved from the scene and so did we.
to be continued...
posted by kenniebloggins at 10:30 PM

 
i've got to work this weekend. here is an illustration of how i feel about that





posted by scarnsworth at 12:06 AM

 


Vegas nights

Update One:

$384.50 on the slots, shyeah, life sucks.
posted by kenniebloggins at 4:18 PM