my black eye? dracula, where's leatherface? sucking off frankenstein? i like candy.

 
butt biting bug


posted by scarnsworth at 8:24 PM

 
you're breaking my balls out here sweetheart



via RCS
posted by scarnsworth at 11:34 PM

 
loller!



more here
posted by scarnsworth at 7:16 PM

 
a seal passes

most of you remember this guy



well there are rumors flying around the internet that he sadly has died.

well, let me just tell you that those rumors are true.
the only think i must note is that it was nearly two years ago people! i mean just look at the writing in his obit! it says they got him in 95 and he had a 10 year run. DO THE MATH PEOPLE. and he wasn't a walrus, he was A TYPE OF SEAL!

the most important thing i will note about this story is that our favorite noise artist merzbow composed not one, but TWO records in tribute to him!
merzbow loved minazo!!

some seal.
posted by scarnsworth at 12:13 PM

 
So, today I was grading my students' persuasive essays, and one bit of doggerel in particular distinguished itself from the others. The essay began with one of the most riveting, mind-altering declarative sentences ever scribed, stating "There are approximately 50-52 states in America."
posted by kenniebloggins at 9:43 PM

 
time for a survey!! the proust questionnaire

1.what are you wearing?
blue jeans with a new patch and a white tee

2.what are you eating?
red hot & blue potato chips

3.what are you drinking?
budweiser

4.what was the grossest thing you did all day?
sneezed a mouthful of fiber one through my nose onto my naked thigh.

5.what are you doing right this second?
filling out this lame survey lol no, jk, i'm watching belladonna go number 1.

6.what are your hopes?
painless death.

7.what are your dreams?
far-flung erotic fables mixed with my home life at age 7

8.what are your fears?
no fear! jk lol, i mean everything like shadows and stuff like that.

9.what are your wants?
good cups of coffee daily and for the nyquil to never run out. or the pepto.

10.what is the trait you most deplore in others?
incompetence coupled with entitlement. jk/lol i mean ugliness.

11.what is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
my hairless chest. omg no, jk, i mean to say the fact that i'm on the verge of going falling down soon.

Labels: alt porn, blackbeard the pirate, furries, gunga din, ninotchka, plushies

posted by scarnsworth at 11:19 AM

 
So, what's with the Apple commercial with the Feist video being played all day during this week's NFL games, and why is Feist all Lily Allen and shit, but less attractive? These are the questions I've needed to ask today.
posted by kenniebloggins at 11:51 PM

 
tidying up around the house

if you live in an area where time warner cable is your cable provider, then you have probably seen the 'fiber' commercial. (if not, it's posted on youtube here by good citizen "crustyhole120".) it's the one where the guy walks up to some guys door and says to the him "have you heard about THE FIBER??" and waves his hand in a rainbow motion with colors that trail around.
the guy responds, "i think i'm taken care of in that department!!" and holds up a bowl of cereal, presumably some sort of fiber intensive cereal.
then the guy says, "no! i'm talking about time warner cable!"
and the man with the cereal says, "and i'm talking about that too!" or something like that.
THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
why would the guy have a bowl of cereal and imply that he was talking about bran flakes, if in fact he were actually talking about cable? unless he originally thought the guy were talking about cereal, then when the guy revealed what he was ACTUALLY talking about (ie the cable), he tried to play it off and pretend that he was one step ahead.
i'm annoyed by this commercial. almost as annoyed as i am by the one where the guy says, "i'm THINKing of a number!" that haunts my nightmares.

Labels: ads, beauty and the geek, fisting, gonzo porn, knife skills, tv

posted by scarnsworth at 2:51 PM

 
white men


posted by scarnsworth at 12:40 AM

 
well i'm gonna get a job cause i need the bread but somehow i know it's gonna affect my head



i think we all feel like tina sometimes.
posted by scarnsworth at 2:11 PM

 
I wonder if some sort of feud will exist between 50 Cent and Kenny Chesney after Chesney's record outsells 50's. I know Kanye will be lass than copacetic with the aforementioned situation. What if Kenny Chesney goes out like Biggie and Pac and country kids start wearing uberblinged out black Kenny Chesney R.I.P shirts that hang effortlessly to their knees, and if Peyton Manning, Hank Jr. and Nas will all collaborate with Ken while he's croonin' the gospel with old St. Peter? I wonder if my friends will somehow figure out a way to scalp tickets to a benefit concert behind the pearly gates, and if so, how much will those tix cost on Ebay? A pretty penny, I do believe. I know, when I die, I want to be in movies with Tim Roth. I wonder if Kenny Chesney wants that as well.
posted by kenniebloggins at 12:08 AM

 
ubl

how can half the world believe that osama bin laden is being framed for 9/11 so the u.s. government can cover up the fact that it was just a plot orchestrated by themselves and israel? the mf has been on camera multiple times claiming responsibility! yet as the days and years go by more and more people believe he's innocent. i just don't understand.
posted by scarnsworth at 7:54 PM

 
a new freddy



my friends,
i can't understand new york. some people are like "wow, new york sure is an expensive city!" then they visit new york and they're like, "wow, new york sure isn't as expensive as i thought it would be!" then they live in new york for 5 months and they're sucking off bums for dimes to buy hot dogs from street vendors for breakfast lunch and dinner. scratch that - no breakfast because that's just indulgent.
this place is ridiculous. oceanchum = pay blog asap.
having said that, if anyone knows someone looking for a roomate in the MNH area of town, drop a cap'n a line. peacey weace.
posted by scarnsworth at 12:50 PM

 
fantastic fish facts!

moray eels have two jaws that work independently of one another! isn't shit amazing?



here's a link
posted by scarnsworth at 7:37 PM

 
new music tuesday on itunes

does anyone else get that email? man it's annoying.
some things i've been thinking of lately:
i wonder what the ny industrial scene was like in the mid-eighties? like swans and all those people. probably pretty cool i would imagine! also, i'll bet it was cool when flux information sciences were around in late nineties or so. i wonder what those characters are doing now!
another thing i've been thinking about is juice fasts and master cleanses. problem: i can't do one because if i do i think i would perish. i don't think i can handle it! omgg.
another thing i've been thinking is how nice autumn is going to be and i say fuck the halcyon days of summer and bring on the halcyon days of autumn!
posted by scarnsworth at 6:32 PM

 
serious issues of the jour

sunday morning comin down this afternoon let me tell you guys! i've just had myself a little 'staycation' in which i stayed in the city (and probably spent more money than if i had booked a flight to macau and gambled for 5 days.) that's right, the old purse strings are starting to tighten up around the old scrotal region and it's a discomfiting feeling indeed.
which is why i'm making the following announcement now:
we are about to make oceanchum a PAY BLOG.
that means that you the reader who comes here sometimes upwards of 20 times a day will be able to give a little back to your pals kennie and scarns. i'm thinking 20 dollars a month to start out, and if things go as well as i expect them too, we're gonna put up a couple of "pic" sections of me and kennie doing fetish things like peeing in sinks and a lot of auto-erotic choking stuff.
having said all that, i'm doing fine. doing real good.
i had a little picnic in the park today all by myself in which i took my t-shirt off and that was nice. and let's see, that's about it! i thought i'd let you guys in on that little slice of life there! that oughta do it for now!
posted by scarnsworth at 6:05 PM

 
i ain't got the strungth to walk

why a dog bark.
posted by scarnsworth at 11:28 PM

 
I love it when I'm at dawgs games and Andre 3k walks by wearing red suspenders. That really puts my weekend into perspective.
posted by kenniebloggins at 1:26 PM

 
what you on? THEM PILLS

what's up you assholes?
couple things:
1. if i keep acting out on friday nights i'm going to get my ass beat. I HAVE FUN, WHAT CAN I SAY?
2. i just peed on my ipod.
3. my favorite hardcore princess is going through a huge herpes outbreak. THAT SHIT ISN'T FUN. bella baby, you are cool as a fan and you will make it through this. if that shit scars it will only make your ass more awesome.


gentility on decay.


posted by scarnsworth at 5:43 PM